I WORK AT PRC STARTING IN SEPTEMBER!!!



i'm super excited. i'll be making 9.50 an hour, and i'll be in AIR CONDITIONING ALL DAY!!!


wooo!


and i'll be full time. w00t!

okay, so i'm finally ready to talk about all the crap that went down on vacation with andrea [my sister].


so basically, from the time we left, she was bitching about everything, and was really edgy--like she was waiting for something to happen. for a few days, my parents fought with her about what the AC should be set on [just by constantly changing it], and finally got on her ass about it because she KNEW they were changing it back, and it was just disrespectful. anyways, after that, she just stopped talking and really only bitched about pointless shit. so, we figured out she was leaving early, and she was throwing a temper tantrum pretty much,. and broke a fucking bowl washing dishes...so my mom got pissed and slammed the door to the room where i was sleeping...then andrea flings the door open and is all "WHY'D YOU SLAM THE DOOR, LEILANI!?" and the fight ensued.

it was insane. so, i went out there to stick up for my mom and dad, and she was bitching at my mom about god knows what, and i go "DON'T YOU DARE GET FUCKING PISSED OFF AT  MY MOM." so she looked at me and said "NO. WHEN YOU GET A PROPER EDUCATION, AND OR ACT LIKE AN ADULT, THEN YOU COME TALK TO ME, JESSICA." my mom fucking CHARGED at her, and so did my dad. it was awesomeeee. and i just bust out bawling my eyes out, slamming shit and grabbing my phone to call shane.

well, more shit was said, but that was all that really mattered.


SHE SAID I DONT HAVE AN EDUCATION, WHEN HER HUSBAND DOESNT EVEN HAVE HIS FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA. AND, HEY, AT LEAST I HAVE SOME FUCKING COMMON SENSE, DIPSHIT.

i hate her.

i can not believe this bull$#!*!!!!






andrea showed her ass today at the house here in key west, and i'm fucking through with her. no more.


i'll update about it later when i'm not so upset about it, but she said some things to me that should NOT be said for multiple reasons.





i knew this shit was going to happen, but i just hoped i was wrong.

for once i was right, and i just really wish i wwas wrong. but i'm not, and i officially hate her.



SUCH A WONDERFUL VACATION.
it wasnt, but it is now! [she left, thank "god".]










holy fucking shit, i still can not believe it.

i think i'm going to get my hair done like that. at least until i can grow it out.




so anyways. i dont update very much. i should, but i just never think about it.


so...me and shane's anniversary is in 4 days!!1 eeeek!





what do you guys think i should do to my sister?
-have a bitchfest
-slap that hoe
-ignore her, and wait til she's bitchy again
-do nothing.



i dont really feel like explaining what happened, i would just like to see what you think? haha. i'm weird. and sleep deprived. i'll edit this post [or make a new one, whatever] with what happened, but i dont feel like it now.







so, i pretty much hate the classes i'm in, and i want to give up so badly. i hate feeling like this, but i just get so bored with my classes and everything. i wish i could just skip forward and help people already!! sheesh! i'm freaking sick of waiting!



argh.

i've been in the fucking hospital all night.


esophageal [sp??] spasms, air in my tummy and fluid in my ear.



WTF. i'm sick of being sick!!! >.<


leave comments if you want to know more. i'm about to go back to sleep :[

does ANYONE know why the FUCK tyler h. blocked shane and i on aim?


because apparently he forgot to block my other screen name that is automatically signed in w/ drop out jessie.

so, if anyone has details, please let me know.


i am beyond fucking pissed off at him right now. >.<

all i want to do is enjoy a job again.
that's all. is that too much to ask for? must i suffer this greatly just to make a shittyass paycheck?


and this bitch at work got accepted at fcti for cosmetology....all this time, and i've been afraid to tell anyone up there, because i thought they'd laugh at me.. and now she comes out of fucking left field, and gets accepted. and gets a fucking gov't grant.


but not me. i'm too childish and afraid to go places alone.
thank you, agoraphobia, thank you.
thank you, as well anxiety.
and you most especially, ptsd.

you've all helped me so much in life.
i really am going places.

NOT!




there are going to be some major changes with me soon. i'm going back to my psychologist. i'm still not ...me? i dont know. i don't handle things well. not at all, and i'm tired of it. i just want to be able to deal with things like a normal person is. i want to be able to not flip out over the new girl not doing anything. i want to be able to tell joanna what i think of how she is to shane. i want to be able to tell alex how i dont think it's fair with the new girl and michele. how i want him to get things done, and that he's turning into john.

i can help other people with their problems, but if i have the slightest problem that is MY OWN, i completely crumble under the pressure. i don't understand how i can give such great advice, but i can't handle my own life correctly.
i can't even go in places alone without feeling like i'm going to be attacked by some random guy, or people are constantly staring at me. i always think people are out to get me, when USUALLY, they aren't. not everyone is like he was, and not everyone is out to get me. i should be able to comprehend that, but apparently it's just out of my reach.



FUCK THIS.
>.< i'm not doing as well as i thought.
i'm glad i've realized it, though.




hellooooo, dr lindholm. i'm coming back. :]

that when i wake up in the morning,



my mouth feels better.

shane wakes me by kissing me on the forehead.!

i have medicine for my sinus whatever, or it's even GONE. that'd be the BEST!

breakfast is made! NOT. this will NEVER happen. pff.

my parents aren't hungover or whatever. :[




other crap that i dont really feel like complaining about. i'm tired, and finally, the drunken people are too.


maybe i can get sleep now.
maybe.

shane was right.




she is with me.

she is right now.




i'm so fucking happy right now.
i can't explain it, but i finally feel okay about jen.




finally, i can breathe a heavy sigh of relief.

finally.

i found out why the exgirlfriend was talking to me.





SHE WANTS ADVICE.




JUST LIKE THE LAST TIME SHE WAS TALKING TO ME.






WHAT THE FUCK. NO ONE TALKS TO ME UNLESS THEY WANT FUCKING ADVICE.

I AM GIVING NO MORE UNTIL I AM A PSYCHOLOGIST
AT LEAST THEN I'LL GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT.



YOU DUMBFUCKS. IT'S NOT HARD TO FUCKING FIGURE THINGS OUT.
SLOW DOWN, AND ASSESS YOUR SITUATION.




STOP ASKING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my exgf is talking to me out of no where.




WHAT DO I DO?!

So..



the master slave cylinder in my car has BEEN cracked, and it is finally completely shot.


to get through until i can get it in the shop and have a ride, i keep adding brake fluid to be able to shift gears [my car is stick.]. so, today i tried leaving work, and couldn't. the reservoir was completely full, but i still couldn't shift. GREAT.


perfect timing, considering my mom's truck is broken down, too. her headlights don't work, and some other stuff that is wired through the steering wheel. she tilts up the steering wheel when she gets out, down when she's in, and because of that, the wires have worn down. Now it's undrivable...legally.


so now i'm going to borrow my brother's car, making him drive around his patrol car everywhere.

FUCKING GREAT.
THIS IS JUST AWESOME.



oh, and shane's sister Christy is opening her shop on Saturday!!! GO SEE SHANE!






yay!  i hate my car! i need my paycheck! i'm broke! i'm exhausted!

yet shane still makes me happier than i've ever been as SOON AS i see him.
it's pretty amazizing. :D

i'm not so sure anymore.

honestly, we never were good for eachother.

shane and i were banned from the coffee shop.





i'm calling the health department.
if that doesnt work, i'm calling the epa.
if THAT doesn't work, i'm telling ken. [i might just do that anyways.]
if THAT doesn't work, i'm calling the health department in jacksonville, and OSHA.



FUCKING PISS ME OFF. SEE WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS. I HOLD GRUDGES. YOU DON'T MESS WITH JESSIE. john will learn that soon.



XD!

i fought for you back..

i really know that we can't be together any more,
and that I really don't want you back. I know that.



It's just easier to be with you.

you were my crutch, so i didnt have to speak to people

that's not who i am. that's not who i have ever been.




i'm not shy.
It's time for the olldddd jessie back.




I feel liberated, in a completely weird way. :]

fuck this shit, bitch.


>:O

i remember when you still had colour under your eyes.


do you?

I should update more.


I had surgery on my left ankle.

I had what I thougt was a wart, which i thought got a bilster or cut on it, that I thought got infected.

I went to the doctor who thought the same, and drained it. It was really gross and painful, but only when she squeezed around it. I didnt feel her poking it with a needle or rubbing it, either. I was losing feeling.


Two days later [last friday], I went to my foot doctor. She noticed there was a hard mass of something underneath the skin, and decided to cut off the top layer or skin. I didnt feel it AT ALL. I only felt it when she pressed down really hard, and I didnt feel when she squeezed it. More loss of feeling. Great!

She said the fact that I lost feeling in my foot was really bad, blah blah. She was looking at it, and noticed the hard mass was just underneath the skin, so she told me I'd need surgery to get it removed. I told her my work schedule and whatnot, and we talked about doing it the next friday [which would be this one] because i dont work this weekend. Well, I didnt realize I didnt work that weekend, either. Plus, I really didn't expect her to be able to do it in the office RIGHT THEN, but we ended up doing just that. My dad had to come to sign a consent form and all, so he just stayed with me and also let Shane back there [because I'm only 16, I have to have parental consent that he can come back with me.] He had NO IDEA what was going on until he got back and I was about to be numbed up. We explained everything to him, and that i'd be okay.

The needle they used to numb me HURT SO FUCKING BAD!!!!! I don't know if it was the actual needle or what was in it, but GODDAMN. [Later, Shane told me I was whimpering. I only thought I was gasping, but apparently I don't realize what I do when in pain, hahaha.] The back of my anlkle immediately turned white, which usually only happens if you are allergic to it or a different anesthesia is used. She asked if I was allergic to local anesthetics, which freaked me out. I said, "NOT THAT I KNOW OF, WHY?!" and then she explained it. I was scared, but then I didnt feel anything on my foot.
( gory details )

After it was all said and done, Shane drove me [in my mom's car] back to the coffee shop to get his truck. We went to his house and he gave me a "pain pill", which really, it was just motrin. I wasn't in any pain with 200 mgsof MOTRIN.
No pain. I loved it. :D


I get my stitches out on the 14th or 15th!!
I'm excited, but worried.... :(



I have been putting off updating my journal, but it's cool, now. :D